How To Go Beyond Happiness & Sustain Long-Term Satisfaction

 I'll go into lots of detail later, but let's start with an overview of the six fundamental behaviors embedded in Sustainable Life Satisfaction.

By avoiding assumptions, you can learn to have agency in any situation instead of taking action based on what you imagine other people are thinking or feeling about you. Instead, your actions are based on reliable evidence. Note that this is an action technique—because your actions in any given situation will not be motivated by assumptions but by hard facts or, at the very least, really good guesses. As you avoid assumptions and engage in realistic, evidence-based thinking, you will build self-confidence and self-efficacy. 

What I mean by "people-pleasing behaviors" is subordinating and conforming your needs, desires, wishes, and dreams to what other people think they should be—or to what you imagine others want them to be. This technique of consciously not defaulting to putting the needs and desires of others ahead of your own enables you to live an authentic life. Authenticity means paying attention to and acting on your own wishes, desires, and dreams. It means you are freeing yourself from doing things for the purpose of securing feelings of indispensability—like doing things because you are scared people will abandon you. Not only will this lead to genuine, more meaningful connections, but it ultimately fosters self-worth and a genuine belief in your inherent lovability. 

The purpose of the facing-fears technique is not to stop you from feeling afraid—after all, some fear is healthy—it is to train you not to let your fears prevent you from working toward and achieving your goals. You can learn to use your fears as a positive motivation that propels you to move toward the life you want, resulting in more self-efficacy and self-respect. 

Using this technique, you will liberate yourself to make choices by recognizing that almost every decision we settle on is, at best, just a well-informed guess and that there are almost no decisions that cannot be reversed. Of course, there are a few exceptions—like having a child or a financial gamble that results in an irrevocable loss—but when it comes to the day-to-day, most decisions—like which college to go to or whether to move to a new city—can be undone. The point is to take action and make a decision. When you do, you will experience more self-confidence and self-efficacy. 

This truism teaches the skill of following through and completing tasks, from small ones that will make your life easier—like folding and putting away laundry or paying your bills on time—to large ones that can change your life—like starting a new business, buying a home, or ending a destructive relationship. Following through on what we start, no matter how difficult the process, will lead to self-confidence, self-efficacy, and self-respect. 

 Reprinted with permission from Beyond Happiness: The 6 Secrets of Lifetime Satisfaction. Copyright © 2023 by Jennifer Guttman. Published by Post Hill Press.