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How To Actually Tell If A Girl Likes You, According To Relationship Experts
Experiencing that first flush of attraction can be exciting; like living in HD, the world seems brighter and full of possibilities. But then comes the big question: Do they feel the same way?
These are a few crucial questions that need answering, particularly for guys making the first move. Misreading the signals can lead to some awkward, face-palm-worthy moments and take you from charming to creepy in short order.
In fact, there is research1 showing that sometimes men tend to overestimate a woman's sexual interest. So, the challenge is real, and it's enough to make one nostalgic for simpler times—think Victorian era when dropping a handkerchief was like sliding into someone's DMs. Sure, those guys had to deal with way less tech and way more top hats, but at least they had a clear signal when someone was into them.
23 signs a girl likes you
There's frequent and prolonged eye contact
As Al Pacino said, "The eyes, chico, they never lie!” So take note of eye contact—and not just fleeting glances, but prolonged, intense eye contact.
A study from the Psychological Science Journal2 shows, for instance, that extended eye contact is a powerful, non-verbal way of indicating engagement and genuine interest.
If a girl is interested in you, according to relationship coach and sexologist at BedBible, Suzannah Weiss, she will give you all her attention during a conversation. "She will turn towards you. Look at you. They won't bury themselves in their phone or a book, and they'll make eye contact with you," she explains.
If her pupils dilate, it's a subtle physiological response that can indicate attraction as well. If she glances down when your eyes meet, and it happens a few times, it might mean she's a bit nervous or not quite ready to show her cards yet, but she could still be into you.
To take it a step further, suggests professor and communication expert Beth Ribarsky Ph.D., notice if she is engaging in the triangle method, which is “holding eye contact, then looking to the lips, and back to the eyes."
She mirrors your activities
Mirroring someone's movements can create an empathetic connection, according to research published in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience3. Psychologists call this the "chameleon effect4," which involves mimicking someone's movements, speech patterns, and habits.
Suppose you notice a girl mirroring your body language, like crossing her legs when you cross yours or touching her face when you do. In that case, it's a strong indication of attraction that demonstrates growing affinity.
As licensed marriage and family therapist Kim Homan, LMFT, tells mindbodygreen, "These subtle physical cues can be subconscious indications of comfort and attraction."
She initiates conversations & seeks out your company
When you value someone as a social companion, you deliberately seek out their company. In a crowded room, she may sit next to you, join clubs or communities you're a part of, and even plan joint activities and outings.
"If she frequently initiates conversations, responds promptly to your messages, and seems genuinely interested in your life and opinions, it's a good sign," Homan says, adding, "Communication is the bedrock of any relationship, and her effort in maintaining an ongoing dialogue can signify her interest in deepening the relationship."
As psychologist Ketan Parmar, M.D., MBBS, adds, if a girl goes out of her way to find opportunities to be around you or invites you to events, that could also be a sign she likes you. “Pay attention to whether she prioritizes spending time with you over other commitments,” he adds.
She reaches out over text & social media
If you're both active on social media, you may notice she likes and even comments on most of your posts. There may be regular good night texts, or if and when you abandon a conversation due to lack of time, she resumes it on the next available opportunity.
She obviously desires a continuous connection with you, and texting and social media, in today's world, are the tools of choice to maintain that connection.
"Texting is a huge part of any relationship (especially these days!)," says Kiana Reeves, somatic sex educator, pelvic care practitioner, certified doula, and chief brand officer at Foria. "If there's flirty banter, consistent back and forth, or if she texts you out-of-the-blue about something you once talked about, these are great signs of interest," she adds.
She shows interest in your thoughts & experiences
When we like someone, who they are, what matters to them, and how they move through the world becomes vital to us.
If a girl is interested in you, she will want to know what makes you tick. She'll show a genuine interest in your opinions, reactions, interactions, and the experiences that have shaped you. If she engages you in meaningful conversations, asks many open-ended questions, and thoughtfully responds to what you share, it indicates that she cares.
She tries to attract & impress you
When a girl is interested, she will try to attract and retain your attention. She may flaunt both her intellectual prowess and her physical appearance. She may find ways to demonstrate her knowledge, particularly on subjects of mutual interest, reinforcing your compatibility.
“People often try to impress those they are interested in by putting extra effort into their appearance. If a girl appears to go out of her way to look good when she knows she will be seeing you, it could be a sign of attraction,” Parmar explains.
She expresses concern for your wellbeing
A growing interest in someone's overall wellbeing is a sign of deepening emotional attachment. According to therapist and clinical director at Profound Treatment, Lindsey Tong, LCSW, when a girl is falling for you, she will express her deepening emotions by actively caring for you.
She may look after you when unwell, encourage you to adopt healthier habits or gently nudge you towards better lifestyle choices.
"If she notices that you are feeling down or having a bad day, she will try to cheer you up or offer support. She may also go out of her way to do things for you, such as bringing you your favorite food or helping you with something,” Tong explains.
Such emotional awareness happens only when someone is attuned to you and pays attention to even subtle shifts in your mood and behavior.
She playfully teases & banters with you
Teasing, especially of a flirtatious variety, can be a good sign of attraction. She might playfully poke fun at you and engage in lighthearted banter, all done in good spirits to forge a deeper bond.
It allows her to express her interest while maintaining a mischievous, ambiguous tone. Plus, if this isn't how she usually behaves with others, it can be seen as an even stronger sign of her interest in you.
She blushes or gets flustered around you
When a girl blushes or seems nervous around you, especially in response to your compliments or any overt attention, it's often a sign of romantic interest. She may fidget if she is excited to be around you but also feels self-conscious. This typically happens in emotionally charged situations.
During an interaction that brings your mutual attraction into focus, if she’s not ready to make any definite move, she may experience stress and feel vulnerable and exposed. Such moments must be handled with grace and patient empathy, recognizing the delicacy of her emotions and the situation.
There is open body language
Generally, however, when a girl likes you, she may lean towards you, uncross her arms, smile frequently, and face you directly, signaling her comfort and interest. Additionally, if she's sitting with crossed legs, but her feet are pointed towards you, it could suggest a desire to get closer.
As Homan notes, "These subtle physical cues can be subconscious indications of comfort and attraction."
She introduces you to her friends & plans outings together
The harmony between our friends and romantic partners is essential; they are both important parts of our lives, and if they get along, it makes for more enjoyable future interactions.
When a girl takes the step to introduce you to her friends, it's a meaningful act that suggests she's fond of you and maybe hoping for a future with you.
"If this person has told her friends about you, this can be another great sign of interest. Receiving an invite to hang out with someone's close group means they trust you and are comfortable bringing you into the fold," Reeves tells mindbodygreen.
Additionally, organizing outings with her friends and inviting you can mean she is trying to integrate you into her world.
She wants to know the mundane details of your life
The everyday aspects of your life, such as your routine, favorite music, go-to recipes, and hobbies—details that might bore anyone else—would be fascinating to someone in the throes of a crush.
She will want to know these details, not just out of curiosity but also so she can find common interests and deepen your bond.
“Another significant sign is her effort to be a part of your life. This could manifest in her remembering small details about your life,” says Homan, explaining that “when someone invests time and energy in knowing and understanding you, it often reflects a genuine interest beyond mere friendship.”
She shows curiosity about your family & friends
The curiosity has to go beyond mere politeness; someone interested in a deeper relationship will ask personal questions about your parents and siblings. She will inquire about and comment on your family dynamics, the personalities of your close friends, and family traditions. Furthermore, she will find a way to communicate her readiness to participate in family events.
This is a subtle way of expressing an interest in becoming a part of your world and forging relationships with you and those you care about. It suggests her interest in a long-term future and her willingness to embrace your wider social circle.
She compliments you
If a girl likes you, she'll frequently compliment you, noticing and appreciating qualities others might overlook, reflecting the special attention she's paying you. The compliments will be deep and about more than just the surface qualities.
She laughs at your jokes (even the unfunny ones)
It's a dead giveaway and the one thing that can distinguish a friend from a romantic interest. Someone interested in you will laugh at all your jokes; friends, on the other hand, will laugh at you rather than with you.
"Laughter is a universal love language. If a girl genuinely enjoys your company and finds you amusing, she will laugh even if your jokes aren't very good. Sometimes, it is their way of expressing their admiration and interest in you," says licensed marriage and family therapist, Raul Haro, LMFT.
She plans surprises or gives thoughtful gifts
Spending money on someone, especially if you have it, is easy—but planning a surprise requires effort. When a girl surprises you, and it resonates deeply with you, creates a special moment, or holds personal significance, that gesture speaks volumes.
It shows that she knows you well and is willing to invest her time, energy, and resources into pleasing you. She clearly cherishes your bond and wants to nurture it.
Thoughtful gifts are special for similar reasons. It’s not just the gift of an item but a reflection of her regard for you. The more meaningful and personal it is, the deeper her appreciation for you.
She smiles a lot in your presence
Smiling is a form of non-verbal communication that signals happiness, warmth, and attraction.
Being in the company of someone we like naturally makes us happy, and this feeling intensifies when there's also a romantic interest and the anticipation of a more intimate relationship. Pay attention to whether she's frequently smiling or laughing—and doing so genuinely—when she's with you.
She frequently touches you & shows physical affection
Ribarsky tells mindbdoygreen that incidental, flirtatious touching is a common way of signaling attraction. When we touch someone who reciprocates our interest, it causes a release of feel-good chemicals in our brains.
“As primitive as it may sound, we often 'groom' people we like. We may do something as simple as picking fuzz off someone’s sweater, brushing something out of their hair, etc. Sometimes, it’s very purposeful. Most of the time, it’s subconscious behavior when we like or care about someone,” Ribarksy says.
Furthermore, if she indulges in physical displays of affection, she is very comfortable with you, trusts you, and desires to create intimacy with you.
It's important to remember that only some girls will feel comfortable initiating physical contact, so a lack of it doesn't necessarily mean disinterest. However, when she does engage in these small touches, if she reserves such gestures for you, it's a significant indicator of her interest and a way for her to get closer to you subtly yet meaningfully.
She gets jealous of other women
She may get jealous when she sees you spending time with other women if she is interested. She may express this jealousy by inquiring about your interactions with them, asking if you’re interested in any of them, or showing a hint of possessiveness when other women are around you.
Excessive jealousy is concerning, so be cautious if the object of your affection is veering towards an extreme form of this behavior. However, mild jealousy can stem from insecurity or fear of losing your affection to someone else and can be taken as a positive sign.
She allows herself to be vulnerable with you
Parmar notes that if a girl desires more than friendship with you, she may share personal aspects of her life with you. “People share personal stories with those they feel comfortable around," he explains, adding, "If a girl starts sharing intimate details about her life, it could be a sign that she trusts and likes you."
Sharing intimate details of our lives makes us vulnerable, and there is an inherent fear in that, but we brave this fear for those we deeply trust and desire to have in our lives. Also, if you can read the signs, this will not simply be a gesture of trust. The act will stem from a deep need for you to know her.
She may also invite you to open up and reciprocate. She may also seek your advice and guidance on personal matters, which will further signify her trust and respect for your opinions.
She mentions other guys to incite jealousy
She may bring up other guys in conversation or talk about them in a way that seems intended to make you jealous. You may also notice her being overly friendly with other guys when you're present while simultaneously glancing your way to see how you respond.
Is it childish? Yes—but we are all fools in love.
She treats you differently
This is one of the more obvious signs that a girl likes you and is not just being nice. For instance, there might be a noticeable difference in how she treats you compared to her other friends.
This could manifest in several ways—she remembers trivial details about you that others might find inconsequential, makes plans well in advance, shows an obvious preference for your company, seizes every excuse to be around you, and becomes noticeably more flirtatious and attentive when you're together. These behaviors suggest that you have a special place in her life.
Still, to gauge whether this regard has romantic undertones, you must consider the overall context of your interactions, her body language, and the nature of your physical exchanges, if any.
She seeks clarity around relationship status
Her interest in your relationship status, subtly expressed or not, is telling. She will also find a way to ensure you know she’s single and open to a relationship. This behavior is not just about understanding your availability or communicating hers; it’s her way of opening the door to whatever is possible between you.
This list can be populated further with so many more signs of a woman’s interest in you, but in and of itself, no single sign is enough to give you a clear answer. Many of these behaviors can also be expressions of platonic affection, but observing several of these signs forming a consistent pattern could signify something more.
12 signs a girl does not like you
To further clarify things, here are some signs that typically suggest a lack of interest. Combined with the list above, they can help you distinguish between romantic and platonic feelings.
She doesn't initiate contact
If she makes no effort to be around you or initiate contact, whether in person, online, or via text, it might signal disinterest in a relationship.
Another sign can be canceling plans with little to no notice and a reluctance to reschedule.
There are brief, disengaged conversations
Homan believes that if a woman takes her time responding to your messages, avoids sharing personal details, and seems disinterested in your life, these are signs of disinterest.
"When a girl is uninterested, she may not reciprocate your efforts in conversation. This could manifest as not asking questions in return, not sharing much about herself, or changing the subject to avoid personal topics," says relationship expert Lachlan Brown.
There is limited or avoidant eye contact
Avoiding eye contact can indicate discomfort or lack of interest in fostering a deeper connection.
Her body language is reserved
When she displays closed-off body language, like crossed arms, facing away or maintaining a physical distance during conversations, it shows her disinterest. According to Weiss, it may be time to abandon your pursuit if you notice such behavior.
"If someone moves away from you or starts talking to someone else or goes on their phone, then I would say let them be," she says.
There's a lack of reciprocation
"It all comes down to how they reciprocate your tone or actions. For example, if they are ignoring your texts or dodging your invitation to get drinks, this can be a more obvious sign that they aren't interested," warns Reeves. Or as Haro adds, you might buy her gifts or do things for her, but she never reciprocates.
If everything is going unreciprocated—from invitations to gestures of affection—it may be time to cut your losses.
She talks about other romantic interests
If she talks about other men she finds attractive and openly and clearly states her interest in pursuing them, take that to mean you are firmly in the friend zone. "This is especially true if she seeks your dating advice or mentions her crushes to you," Haro adds.
She avoids one-on-one time with you
"If a girl isn't interested in you, she'll avoid being alone or going on dates. She may make excuses or cancel last-minute plans," Haro tells mindbodygreen.
This behavior can be particularly telling if she consistently makes excuses to avoid one-on-one situations or seems uncomfortable about spending time together in more intimate settings. Her reluctance to engage in solo activities with you can indicate her desire to maintain a purely platonic relationship.
She shows no interest in your life
If she never asks about your day, interests, or opinions, and/or disregards your feelings, that indicates a lack of emotional investment.
She avoids physical contact
Physically moving away from you, avoiding contact, never paying any compliments, and giving a half-hearted response to the compliments you give indicate a lack of physical attraction.
As Brown notes, “If she consciously keeps a physical distance or avoids situations where close contact might occur, it's likely a sign she's not comfortable with the idea of a closer relationship.”
She ignores your social media posts
If she is active on social media but never likes or comments on your posts but does engage with others, it could denote a lack of interest on her part.
She doesn't show you any special treatment
No special treatment or preference for your company may suggest she sees you as a friend.
She explicitly communicates her disinterest
She may take the sledgehammer approach and let you know in explicit terms that she is not interested in anything other than a friendship. Now, unless you want to barrel right into harassment territory, it is time to back off.
Other tips to keep in mind
Here are a few other tips to help with that:
Proceed with caution & be respectful
Whenever you're flirting, it's essential respect boundaries and seek consent. If you want to express your interest without active encouragement, do so respectfully and calmly. If you notice signs of discomfort, back off.
Being approachable and friendly without being pushy is critical. Weiss recommends testing the waters with something simple like, "I'd love to hang out if you'd be open to that," or, "Could I get your number? I think it would be nice to chat more."
“Give them a polite invitation, and it's OK if you're not able to read how interested they are right away; you can get a sense of that over time just by reaching out and being friendly and gradually—if they respond well—suggesting a date," says Weiss.
Express your feelings in subtle but meaningful ways
Before revealing your feelings, ensure they're not committed to someone else, advises Parmar, emphasizing respect and reducing the likelihood of rejection. To express your interest, behave in a way that indicates attraction, such as asking about their interests and offering compliments that go beyond physical appearance.
"Maintain a light-hearted, humorous approach," Brown advises, adding to move forward with a balance of confidence and humility, and "avoid dominating conversations or making it all about you."
If you receive encouragement, you can build on that. If her response is muted, you can try to woo her. Remember that sometimes, the lack of encouragement is not out of disinterest. Even confident women, when it comes to love and romance, can become shy because of fears around rejection and vulnerability that are so much a part of dating.
Show genuine interest in her life, and as part of your campaign, maintain a happy disposition when you're around her. Happy people light up a room by their sheer presence, and if the girl associates positive emotions with you, it will be a point in your favor.
You can also pay her special attention. Treat her differently; make it evident through your words and actions that she occupies a special place for you.
Or, you can be more direct
As psychologist and relationship expert Rod Mitchel, M.C., M.Sc., recommends, you can always take a more straightforward approach. "A simple, sincere expression of your feelings, without elaborate schemes or games, speaks volumes about your respect for her and the potential relationship," he says.
Tong agrees, suggesting a respectful approach that doesn't pressure her to respond or reciprocate. "Tell them what you appreciate about them and why you admire them. Make sure also to respect their boundaries and give them space to respond,” she adds.
Handle unrequited emotions with grace
If she doesn't reciprocate your feelings, show respect for her response and maintain the friendship only if mutually agreeable. On a happier note, friendships recover from such incidents if handled well.
"The best response is to respect their feelings and space and move on. It might be hard at first, but remember, everyone deserves someone who reciprocates their feelings just as intensely," says Tong.
Avoid obsessing over the outcome and respect her decision if she says no. "It's natural to feel hurt and disappointed, but it's important not to take it personally or lash out at them,” Tong warns. Accepting the situation helps heal and find someone who reciprocates your feelings.
FAQs:
How do you know if a girl is interested in you?
To know if a girl is interested in you, notice if she engages in behavior that may indicate attraction, like frequent eye contact, initiating conversations and physical contact, mirroring your actions, or turning her body towards you as you talk.
How do you know if a girl likes you secretly?
Secret admiration may be expressed through subtle behaviors like shy glances, fidgeting when paid a compliment, showing nervousness or extra enthusiasm in your presence, and an interest in your life that seems above the norm for casual friends.
How do you know if a girl likes you or is just being nice?
If she behaves differently with you compared to her other friends and finds excuses to touch you or talk to you, her interest in your life goes beyond what is typical for friends.
How do you know if a girl is falling for you?
Observe her body language, how she talks to you, and how she treats you in public and private, looking for deeper signs of affection and connection (i.e. making significant efforts to spend more time with you, sharing personal and emotional things, merging your social lives, etc.).
The takeaway
Understanding whether a girl is interested in you can be like playing a game of mental Jenga. You have to observe how she talks and acts with and around you. Keep an eye out for any special hints in the way she treats you, and see if there's a pattern that might give you that much-needed encouragement to make your move. But you must do this detective work without letting your feelings cloud your judgment. It's tricky, but who doesn't love a good challenge?
Even if you notice positive signs, there's still no guarantee that your interest will be reciprocated. Each individual is unique, and there are cultural, social, and familial influences at play that you cannot account for, no matter how much you try.
What you can do is be respectful and considerate in how you move forward. If the feelings are mutual, it opens the door to a potentially beautiful and fulfilling relationship. If not, respect her decision, cherish the friendship if it remains, and remember that this experience has taken you one step closer to finding someone more compatible and capable of giving you the love you deserve.
Whatever the result, adventures of the heart are worth the travel time, the angst of uncertainty, the thrill of the pursuit, and even the heartbreak of rejection.
6 Sources
- https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0092656602005299
- https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797614539706
- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4221217/
- https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10402679/
- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4839399/#:~:text=Across%20two%20field%20studies%20of,liking,%20love,%20and%20dominance.
- https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0265407517729567
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