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Soul Ties: What They Are, Signs To Watch Out For + How To Break One
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From soul mates to twin flames, we can have a number of deep connections with the various people in our lives. One of those connections? Soul ties.
While some soul ties can be incredibly supportive and uplifting, it's also possible for these profound connections to turn toxic. Here's how to spot the difference, plus how to break a soul tie when you need to, according to experts.
What is a soul tie?
A soul tie is simply a sense that someone is meant to be in your life, and we can have soul ties with friends, lovers, family, and more. As therapist De-Andrea Blaylock-Solar, LCSW, CST, tells mindbodygreen, it's a "connection with someone that's deeply embedded into your soul."
Of course, there's no scientific evidence for soul ties, but if you've ever felt inexplicably drawn toward someone, you likely don't need evidence beyond that.
And according to professional intuitive and author of Self-Care for Empaths Tanya Carroll Richardson, soul ties can refer to any kind of soul connection between two people. "You could have known each other in a past life, be from the same soul family, or simply have a soul contract to meet up in this lifetime and have some type of relationship or experience together," she says.
In some New Age Christian traditions, soul ties are believed to be a result of having sex (though soul ties are not mentioned anywhere in the Bible, and this idea didn't come about until the New Age movement of the '70s and '80s).
"Often soul ties are thought to happen after you have intercourse with someone," Blaylock-Solar explains, adding that it perpetuates the idea that if you have sex outside of marriage, you'll be connected or "tied" to that person.
She goes on to say that this idea is really just attachment in disguise and "an over-spiritualization of normal feelings [of attachment] that can happen when you have sex."
Types of soul ties
According to Richardson, despite what some might say, soul ties are not always romantic, and you can have soul ties with friends, family members, co-workers, business partners, and even your most beloved pets. All we're talking about with soul ties is an inner knowing that someone is meant to have crossed your path.
For example, if your life is busy but you meet a new potential friend or business partner, "the sense that you have a soul tie to this person could inspire you to make room in your life for the relationship," Richardson explains.
As another example, you might not be in the market for a pet but a friend says they need to give up their pet because they have to move overseas unexpectedly, and your intuition tells you that you have a soul tie with this animal and they're meant to be with you, Richardson notes.
7 signs you have a soul tie with someone
You feel connected on a deeper level
Having a soul tie means you are bonded on a deeper level, at the level of Spirit, Richardson tells mindbodygreen. "While we are all connected, soul ties are something special, even though they are common." Feeling a profound sense of connection to someone is one sign you could be experiencing a soul tie.
They elicit strong reactions from you
There's a level of intensity to soul ties, and while they don't all look the same, you can be sure everything will be amplified—the good and the bad. "You might be immediately comfortable with someone or be very intrigued or curious about someone," Richardson says, adding, "Look for a strong or noticeably different reaction than normal."
They feel familiar
On top of strong reactions to them, this person likely feels familiar to you. As Richardson notes, "You could have the feeling you knew them somewhere before or, even if they've only been in your life a short while, feel as if they have always been around."
You may feel like they "complete" you
Sometimes, and particularly when a soul tie is activating an attachment wound, Blaylock-Solar explains you may feel like this person completes you. This is especially true in the case of romantic soul tie relationships. This is when soul ties veer into toxic territory—which we'll talk more about shortly.
Your relationship feels unique or one-of-a-kind
Richardson notes that oftentimes when it comes to soul ties, they're unique and offer an element of newness. "Look for feelings and experiences you've never had before," she says, such as never having felt that much sexual passion with someone else, for example, or even doing something completely new together, like starting a new business venture or project.
They showed up at a significant time
"Soul ties can show up at pivotal times in your life," Richardson explains. Perhaps this person showed up at the exact moment you needed "help, healing, or expertise they have to offer," she adds. Ask yourself what was going on in your life when you first met and what they had to offer.
A part of you feels like it's missing if they're not in your life
And lastly, as Blaylock-Solar tells mindbodygreen, the feeling of having a soul tie with someone can often become painful if things go south, as soul ties—like any relationship—can trigger attachment wounds. "A lot of times, people may experience a feeling of brokenness," she says, "as if a part of them is missing because they're no longer connected to this person."
Soul tie vs. twin flame
Soul ties and twin flames are both types of soul connections, but they're not the same.
Twin flames refer to the idea that a soul can be split in two, resulting in two people who have an intense soul connection or believe themselves to be each other's "other half."
A soul tie is a broader term and can refer to any strong spiritual or soul connection. So in that sense, a twin flame could be considered one type of soul tie, but a soul tie connection is not necessarily a twin flame connection.
Can soul ties be unhealthy or toxic?
Not unlike a toxic twin flame scenario, soul ties can also become toxic and one-sided. That's certainly not to say they always are, but as Blaylock-Solar explains, feeling as if someone can "complete you," or you're somehow broken without them, are actually signs of attachment.
"People look for their partners to complete them, and they get lost in their role as a partner within a relationship and lose their individuality," she explains.
And sometimes, Blaylock-Solar adds, one person can be a bit more attached or have the feeling that they're more connected than the other. "So really understanding your own attachment style may be helpful so you can then better advocate for yourself and what it is you're wanting and needing in your relationship," she advises.
As Richardson notes, you should never stay in an unhealthy situation simply because you feel you have a soul tie with someone.
"Many relationships and situations in life are not meant to last forever and have a natural expiration date," she explains. "If you feel you have a strong soul tie with someone but they still don't want to date you, be in a business partnership with you, etc., honor their own free will and wisdom."
How to break a soul tie
If you've made it this far and you're fairly certain you have a soul tie you need to break, what do you do?
Firstly, Blaylock-Solar emphasizes the importance of knowing you are whole and complete on your own. "Specifically within the Christian tradition, there's the idea that when people are married, they become one. Even if you do ascribe to that belief," she says, "think of it like 1 + 1 = 1, not ½ + ½ = 1."
She also notes that losing a connection with someone isn't easy, and whether you're looking at it through the lens of breaking a soul tie or healing in some other sense, "making sure you connect with an appropriate professional who can help you through that" is important.
Richardson echoes this, recommending you get any help you need to move forward, whether from loved ones or mental health professionals.
And remember, you have lots of options in this lifetime. If you feel you have a soul tie with a friend but you have both outgrown that friendship, Richardson tells mindbodygreen, "Don't feel that you'll never find another special friend. The universe is very receptive and will help you find new friendships that are more aligned and appropriate for your life now," she says.
A ritual for breaking soul ties:
For a simple ritual to help release people with love—that you can do without even talking to them—Richardson offers this practice:
- Sit in meditation.
- Call on any angels or spirit guides to be with you as well.
- Tell the person's soul that you wish them well and all the best in life, but you simply don't want to be in relationship with them anymore. (The person's physical ears won't hear this release, but their soul definitely will!)
FAQs:
What are the signs of soul ties?
Common signs of soul ties include feeling deeply connected and familiar to each other upon first meeting, seemingly divine timing when you met, and/or feeling like the connection is supercharged, unique, or life-changing.
What causes a soul tie?
Soul ties can refer to any soul connection between two people, so you could have known each other in a past life, be from the same soul family, have a soul contract to meet up in this lifetime, and more.
What are soul ties between lovers?
In some New Age Christian traditions, soul ties are believed to be a result of having sex.
The takeaway
Soul ties are one of the many kinds of relationships we can have throughout our lives, and they aren't uncommon. They're also not always a bad thing, though they can often be characterized by unhealthy attachment.
It's totally possible for two people to have a soul tie and to have a strong, healthy relationship. But if it's verging on toxicity and you think you need to walk away, as Richardson says, "Remember that sometimes you have to let the old go to show the universe there is room for the new."
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