How To Teach Your Child To Regulate Emotions, According To Research

When it comes to regulating emotions, the goal isn't to be "Zen" all the time but rather to be able to return to a state of calm more quickly without emotions spiraling out of control.

We begin learning how to regulate emotions as early as our single-digit years, taking plenty of cues from how our parents regulate their emotions...or how they don't.

For this study, researchers surveyed a total of 333 parents who were married with children between 6 and 10 years old. The participants filled out various checklists and scales, including the Emotion Regulation Checklist, the Mindfulness in Marriage Scale, the Mindful Attention Awareness Scale, and the Mindfulness in Parenting Questionnaire.

Each of these were used to assess the degree of mindfulness exercised by the parents, which were then assessed against children's ability to regulate emotions.

Dispositional mindfulness can be thought of as general mindfulness, which the researchers in this study define as "deliberately and impartially focusing on the experience right now."

When we're being mindful, we're better able to witness the experience of others compassionately and without judgment, which is not only great for parenting young kiddos but also for marriage and co-parenting.

When you're in a long-term partnership, mindfulness is key to navigating conflicts (and their resolutions), as well as being patient and loving toward your partner when their behavior tests you. And based on these findings, mindful marriages make for happy kids too.

Namely, mindfulness in relationships leads to a decrease in the emotional impulsivity that can make conflicts so triggering, as well as boosts communication skills. Remember: Your kids are watching the way you speak to your partner, especially in tense moments!

And finally, we have parental mindfulness, which is given a boost by both dispositional and marital mindfulness. The study authors explain that dispositional mindfulness predicts mindfulness in marriage, and this relationship significantly explains mindfulness in parenting.

For example, one 2010 study3 on 76 couples with young children found that marital quality positively affected parenting practices by improving co-parenting. In another study4, researchers found that parents' negative conflict resolution increased children's maladaptive emotion regulation strategies.

As such, the study authors write, "The ways of conflict resolution between parents are important for children to learn to use healthy and adaptive emotion regulation strategies."

One mindful parenting tool the authors recommend is emotion coaching, which includes parents being aware of their child's emotions and accepting them fully.

At the end of the day, children want to feel accepted, safe, loved, validated, and cherished. As a parent, if you want to raise kids who know how to regulate their emotions, it seems the best thing you can do is know how to regulate your own emotions through mindfulness.